A “macerator” is a chopper pump that is designed to – well, let’s face it – grind shit and anything else you flush down the toilet so it can be handled by inadequate pipework. To make sure you know exactly what’s going on (and everyone else in the house for that matter) this happens with a spectacular roaring and sploshing noise. Very entertaining at 3.00 a.m. when your housemates are trying to sleep. Any self-respecting landlord will install at least one of these puppies for an authentic low-quality housing experience.
Music to your ears
As Gustav Heinemann, former president of Germany (no, not the chancellor) once noted, there are difficult countries to be from, and one of them is Germany. Your artist thinks: luckily, there is still the German language – which is widely accepted as one of the most beautiful languages in the world. Phew.
Leap of faith, Eloi-style
“I do not understand you, but I believe you” says Weena, belonging to a group called the Eloi, in the 1960’s film adaptation of H.G. Wells’ The Time Machine. Strange that a century after this very important novel was written, elite silicon valley businesses are relying on you to show exactly this Eloian attitude. Are “Don’t Be Evil”, FB et al. spying on you? What do they actually do with the data you give them free of charge? Are they acting in their users’ interest, as most people think?
Curbing your ambition
“If you want to become wealthy and successful in your line of work, why don’t you do something easy?” When you tell someone old and wise about your magnificent plan and you get this response, alarm bells should go off. Your plan is probably rubbish and it’s time to aim far lower. In the parlance of management experts (which is one of Szpylbert’s many talents, of course) this is called a ‘pivot’.
The writing on the toilet wall
Back in 2006, a German advertising person called blogs the “toilet walls of the internet”. Why should every owner of a computer have the right to publicise their opinion anyway? Fast forward a few years: we now have “news aggregators” like Huffington Post dressing up unpaid blog content as news for the masses and doing a fine job of wrecking real journalism. Toilet Walls vs. Professional Journalism: 1 – 0.
